Classic "3" - Typos to Sexual Assault

01/25/2006
I hate y'all.
This caption is roughly 6% as long as Matt's article.
Apparently this guy should be listed as the most important, Matt.
Screw you Waylon, we have our own phone number now. Bring it on.
Since Page 3ís fourth birthday is around this time I thought I would list some classic moments in Page 3 history. Although many moments have inspired future stories to grandchildren I have chosen the top 6, in order. Obviously there is no exact science here and you may very well disagree with some of them.

Feel free to add what you feel are your top moments.

The criteria I used, in no particular order were:
  • Were they prolonged discussions
  • Did they spill over off the page
  • Did they inspire us to talk about them off the page
  • Was anyone maimed as a result of the moment.


Last Place: Jon calls Matt the MBL, gets indignant that no one knows what the hell he's talking about.
This was originally a top 5 list, but I had to extend it to get Jon on here. Although it could be argued this should be higher than it is, I knocked it to the end because of the fact that it's the most "inside jokeish" of all the classics. In otherwords, it takes a blow because almost all of what makes it classic happened off the page. The story is that following a streak of popularity, or for no reason what so ever, Matt declared himself Page 3's Most Beloved Writer. During this blog Jon made an acronym out of it and called Matt "MBL". In and of itself it would have been chalked up as a typo (somehow) and forgotten about. However, Sarah asked Jon in person and on AIM what he meant by "MBL". Jon couldn't believe Sarah couldn't figure it out, but wouldn't tell her either. They went back and forth for a couple days (both stubbornly leaving out any details on where the "sticking point" was) before Jon realized the "L" in MBL made no sense. Henceforth from that day Matt was to be called the MBL.


Second to Last Place: Matt's Olympics Article
Page 3 was in its infancy and we needed content. Matt says he was going to write more but I needed it ASAP so he left it where it was. Coming in at 169 words it is still the butt of many Page 3 related jabs at Matt. However, thanks to Jon, no jab at Matt can be made without him pointing out he's the MBL.


Worst Place: My Jimmy John's Blog Post
Widely regarded as the most rambling, boring, "You had to be there story" on Page 3 I still get crap for it 'til this day. In fact it spawned this follow up blog by Matt. In my defense a woman getting so fed up waiting for her food she just steals someone else's and leaves IS interesting, but whatever. Screw you guys.


Not Last Place: Mattís Pudding Pop Article
The idea was simple, short, and sweet (Albeit, longer than the gold standard for brevity Matt set earlier). Pudding Pops were back on the market and Matt wanted to let the world know. No one could guess at the impact he would make on the ladies, or at least a certain subset. Apparently when a woman gets preggers she turns into a Pudding-Pop-Eating-Machine. Some pregnant woman found Matt's article and put the link on a popular message board dealing with pregnancy. It received 650 hits over the next few weeks, generated 8 comments from "non regulars," and spawned numerous long threads in the pregger forum.


Most Improved: The MBL Strikes again - The Five Most Important Figures in Minnesota Sports History
Ironically this was the only article to date that wasn't just a glorified blog. It was finally about something other than our own mundane lives. It had research and everything. Unfortunately it lacked any mention of Civil War era high school track coaches, and one reader took offense. Jason Kaltved's comment came in at a staggering 1774 words, 1114 longer than the original article. He spent an hour and a half in the middle of the night Christmas morning critiquing Matt's article. We like to think he couldn't sleep after being Santa for the night and we gave him a little outlet. He found the article by googleing 'Minnesota Sports Hall of Fame' at 2:40 AM. To this day it remains as one of the best written things on Page 3. Actually, the fact that it only took and hour and a half is pretty impressive.


Good Prize: Sarah spawns a Lawsuit - Liberty and Justice For All
Some would argue this was the day Page 3 arrived. No arguments will be listened to for this not being the top moment/event in Page 3's history. The story is as follows:

Sarah read an article or two in local papers about Waylon Meyer. He was a basketball player, at the time, in Hudson, WI being accused of sexual assault. Waylon's mother lobbied the judge to have the case put off until after the basketball season.

Sarah thought it was pretty ridiculous to put off a trial until after a high school basketball season and expressed her anger in article form. Unfortunately some of Waylon's friends found the site by googleing his name; we got flamed like there was no tomorrow. At one point his uncle showed up and left some nice comments telling the other side of the story. It was a nice finish, and really a Page 3 exclusive, no other media outlet had the behind the scenes side of the story we did. Turns out it was far from finished.

A couple months passed and public sentiment boiled over regarding the case and Waylon was suspended from the basketball team. Lo and behold within days of basketball being out of the picture the whole issue was settled.

Soon after the case was over Waylon himself showed up demanding we take the page off the internet because we had no right to use his name. Keep in mind he's 18 and his name and picture was in many a paper by this point. Also keep in mind that in the posts telling us we had no right to use his name he identified himself by name, more a few times. He used his name almost as much as he used angry exclamation points. His mom actually had the nerve to call Sarah's house, Sarah wasn't home, but Sarah's mom was briefed of the situation.

Eventually we caved and took his picture down and name out of the original article (His name was replaced with hot links to where he used his name of course) because Sarah's mom turned into a nervous wreck over the ordeal.

Over the next few weeks we got flamed by a group of people who appeared to be typing on a random letter generator, Waylon got flamed by a couple of people who seemed to want him dead. Soon after the storm blew over, but not many low rent sites like this can generate potential lawsuits. Plus, it spawned the eventual Page 3 language filter.


Although they weren't classic in and of themselves I thought I should mention that as far as I can tell Scott's first contribution was on 9/1/03 at 6:49 PM in Jon's "Reflections on a Semester" and Alex's was 12/7/03 at 11:16 PM during Week 14 of the 2003 NFL season.

And that's the way it was. All the key Page 3 moments all rolled up into one. If you're a Page 3 vet hopefully this was a nice trip down memory lane. If this is your first time here then you're all caught up. Start calling your friends MBL and vending pudding pops to local pregnant women. Also feel free to leave a 2000 word comment on what the top moments should have been. I'm very sure there were some glaring omissions. Just keep in mind I'll refuse to mention Denny Green no matter what you say.

-Jeremy Lindgren reminds you that he's legit, bitches.
scott.jpgScott - Ma'am, can you make sure your computer is turned on?
01/25/2006 @ 11:50:55 PM
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Page3's best moment, without being too brash, has to be the day I found out about this site. I mean, come on, comments for articles and NFL picks took off like a house of fire when I got here. But I appreciate the recognition.
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jon.jpgJon - Nutcan.com's kitten expert
01/26/2006 @ 03:35:19 AM
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I think this may be my favorite article yet. It may be because I'm on the "inside" on these jokes, but I couldn't healp but laugh when I read all these landmark moments over Matt's shoulder.

Just for the record, calling my MBL mistake a "typo" is probably too generous to me. It wasn't a typing mistake as much as it was a mental mistake. For some reason, I really thought MBL was an acronym for Most Beloved Writer. I guess the fact that there was an "l" in the word was enough for me. I never did the legwork required to actually pick out the first letter from each word. As an added bonus to my stupidity, I was pretty sure everyone who didn't realize what it stood for was a complete moron.
My brain messes up like that sometimes though. Speaking of messed up, here's a great picture.

sarahandleroy.jpg

Seriously though, thanks are due to Jeremy, who does all the technical stuff for the website and has logged many many hours working for its continued success.

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jeremy.jpgJeremy - 8953 Posts
01/26/2006 @ 08:33:16 AM
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Just for the record, calling Page 3 a "success" is probably too generous.

But you're all welcome. Page 3 did get me a job though, so it's hasn't been all selfless.

Seriously though, DING!

hrunner.jpg
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fry6beeu9.jpgJeremy - 8953 Posts
01/26/2006 @ 08:59:24 AM
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Also some things that surprised/humored me while I was "researching" this one:

Page 3 is only 4 years, yet somehow Matt's pudding pop article is almost 2 years old. It's been around for half of Page 3's existence. Page 3 seems like it should be older and the Pudding Pop article seems much more recent.

Alex's first comment was calling people "poopy heads".

I got to watch Pumpakin Carve-nival again which along with the Fluffy Puff Commercial are, in my opinion, 2 of the best things on homestarrunner.com

Not to toot my own horn, but I can't not laugh at the Denny Green line.

The more I reread the comments and typed about it the more disdain for Waylon I got. Hence the "shoutout" in the picture caption.

Matt must have actually started calling himself most beloved writer off the page, because the first reference to "most beloved" is Sarah saying "Since Jon and I are the true most beloved writers of Page 3" in "Our Butler Encounter" (Which by the way has one of the funniest things on Page 3 in it, Jon's unofficial transcript of his Butler interview)

I knew the comment in Matt's Top 5 Article was long, but I didn't realize it was THAT long.

I was disappointed in how little of the MBL fiasco actually played out on the page.

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newalex.jpgicbeast - 3618 Posts
01/26/2006 @ 01:40:57 PM
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I was setting the bar nice and low for myself.

That was also my first of many comments that elicited absolutely no response, as well as my first attempt to have a discussion on something besides the NFL.
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hoochpage.JPGSarah - 4091 Posts
01/28/2006 @ 06:35:16 PM
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That picture still makes me cry.
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fry6beeu9.jpgJeremy - Pie Racist
01/29/2006 @ 12:57:21 AM
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I find it funny we've already matched our article total from last year. I call for a Page 3 resurgency.
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2887.gifAlex - I was too weak to give in Too strong to lose
02/13/2008 @ 12:04:59 AM
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I think there should be a yearly best of/worst of type article. 1 2 3 not it.
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