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Added on: 06/11/2008 @ 4:45:30 PM
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I'm Voting Republican

I know most of this is not supposed to be funny but I laughed my ass off for a full 3 minutes and 28 seconds.
(Be sure to watch until the very end!)
View External Link [imvotingrepublican.com]
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jeremy.jpgJeremy - Broadcast in stunning 1080i
06/11/2008 @ 04:51:12 PM
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After watching this I just might vote republican.
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wendy.gifWendy - 163 Posts
06/11/2008 @ 04:56:21 PM
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“I don’t really want a cure for AIDS or Breast Cancer … they’re just gays and women”

OMG. Funny but OMG.
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jeremy.jpgJeremy - 9012 Posts
06/11/2008 @ 04:58:31 PM
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Yeah, that was the only part that got a semi chuckle out of me, though that might be being generous. It was just the delivery more than anything.
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newalex.jpgAlex - 3618 Posts
06/11/2008 @ 07:47:52 PM
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Lame.
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fry6beeu9.jpgJeremy - 9012 Posts
06/12/2008 @ 12:52:34 AM
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Ok, it's ranting time. First, let me get a couple things out of the way in advance. 1) I'm practically a card carrying member of the democratic party, despite Matt's theory I'm a closet Republican. 2) Just to pre-address the inevitable “Lighten up, the video was a joke” comments, I'll say this. For starters, even if the video was a parody, or a joking way to address the issues, it still addresses issues, so it automatically opens itself up to some level of criticism for the points it tries to make. Secondly, it wasn't at all funny. Lastly, even if it was funny it's clear from the video, certainly in the context of the rest of the site, that they were aiming for issues, with a side of funny, and not funny with a side of issues a la the Colbert Report. Now that that's out of the way: This video was stupid on two levels, for one it was straw man after straw man. No one is arguing what this video is suggesting. On top of that, if the opposite straw man was the democratic view, then it's equally, if not more, ridiculous.

We just love cheap plastic crap from China.

Look, this isn't a republican/democratic issue. America has voted time and time again with their dollar that the prices at the big box stores trump the service you might get from a mom and pop store. Mom and pop stores still exist. Put your money where your mouth is if you want those places still around. Walmart has competition, it's called Target. No one is forcing you to shop there and no one is forcing anyone to work there. If your argument is that by the Walmart's existence it becomes the sole employment option for people in the area, then it sounds like that's a good reason for it to exist.

As for the “cheap plastic crap” option. They wouldn't be selling it if we weren't buying it. We have other options, we usually choose the cheapest one. What is the implication here? The only businesses that should be allowed to exist are small, inefficient, “mom and pop” stores that only sell expensive metal things?

I don't want a cure for AIDS or breast cancer

This is just classic “OOOOH the evil Big Pharma is out to get us.” crap. This is this simple: The pharmaceutical company that cures AIDS or cancer will have a license to print money for decades to come. They will be heralded as saviors. We would name a national holiday after their company on the day it was discovered. They have PLENTY of reasons to look for a cure. (And you know what? The fact that those greedy bastards line their pockets with boat loads of money by curing the rest of us is the reason they move on to the next disease.) There's no inherent reason the government needs to be involved at all, but they are anyway. The website actually goes on to make the point that the Bush administration is more interested in curing AIDS in Africa than America. First off, I seem to remember the hubbub being that they weren't doing enough in Africa. Secondly, don't send the Fire Dept to get a cat out of a tree when Chicago is burning down. AIDS is an absolute EPIDEMIC in Africa. Why in the hell WOULDN'T we put the focus there. Want to know a dirty little “non pc” secret? AIDS really isn't that big of a deal in first world countries anymore. Both the spread and the symptoms are being addressed positively. I'm not saying I wouldn't be upset if I got it, but it's hardly the death sentence it once was.

Few things are tested more than medicine put out by these companies. If there's a fault with the system it's that there's too much testing. There is a significant period of time before a drug, no matter how promising it looks, is allowed to be tested on humans, and a long time after that before the gen pop can get access to it, even on an “experimental” level. It's just not reasonable, practical, or rational to expect completely side effect free solutions.

I want a classroom with thirty other children

The website calls for an increase of teachers wages and a ratio of eight students per teacher. Eight! We are all products of “large classes.” I think we turned out fine. When was this magical period of time where a teacher taught 8 students? That's 150 teachers for a Eau Claire Memorial sized school, all making more than they do now. Who's going to foot that bill? Maybe, just maybe, the reason teachers wages are so low is because there's like 5 full time job openings a year in the state and half of any liberal arts colleges are made of of students wanting to become teachers. Clearly, they aren't trying to be econ teachers, since they don't know the first thing about supply and demand. Teachers get good benefits, and a ridiculous amount of vacation. The website points out the bottom 25% make less than $35,000 a year. Well, even taking the worst case scenario wage. That's really $35,000 for 75% of a year, with roughly 4 weeks of vacation during the working period. That's really not too bad. Roughly 900 a week, $1800 a paycheck, about $3900 a month. Now, granted that's not taking your area into consideration, but that would be a good paycheck for someone in Eau Claire.

In a perfect world athletes and CEO's would make less and Teachers, Police officers, and Fire Fighters would make more. However, we live in reality.

Women just can't be trusted to make decisions about their own bodies

“It's my body” is the logical midpoint of the argument, not the beginning. There's been no definitive argument or ruling that people should have ultimate control over their bodies. Drugs are illegal, and I'm pretty sure I don't have the right to have my heart removed. It's a faulty, meaningless, premise to begin the argument from. It's basically the argument “I have the right to choose because it's my right to choose.”

Continuing our use of fossil fuels

Look I like leaving as much of nature in tact as possible, but we're an oil hungry society, it's got to come from somewhere, and it isn't everywhere. Per the website: We don’t have cars that are as fuel efficient as they could be because the Republicans have kept the government from encouraging car manufacturers to make such cars. Personally I do think that there should be a few stricter laws in this area regarding fuel economy and emissions, but do you know why? It's because we as a society are failing to be responsible, and it had gotten to the point where we needed someone with some control to step in and back us off a notch. You know what encourages companies to change their product? Us not buying it. Virtually every car company has shut down production on SUV's and large trucks because we stopped buying them because we were finally being hit where it counted, our wallets. That took zero government intervention.


Even if we're separate we'll still be called equal

What? I mean....what? Per the website: In many ways America is a segregated nation. Most whites and blacks live in separate neighborhoods, go to separate schools, and seldom make friends. Oh, well that clears things up then. This was clearly a result of Bush's plan to intervene into our lives to change our friendships.

The Supreme Court, rarely a leader and never courageous, has eviscerated any ongoing attempts to achieve diversity in institutions of higher education and has undone the efforts to desegregate public schools following the 1954 decision in Brown v. The Board of Education, that held that “separate but equal” schools were inherently unequal. Well, for starters it's definitively not their job to be “leaders.” They are talking about Parents v. Seattle In Seattle you could sign up to go to any high school you wanted. One of the tie breakers for when too many kids wanted one school was race, to keep schools diverse for diversities sake, and the court cited precedence and ruled that it “prohibited assigning students to public schools solely for the purpose of achieving racial integration” How on earth one could even argue this has anything to do with separate, but equal is beyond comprehension. First off, the tie breaker served just as much potential to get a white kid his favorite choice as it did a minority. Secondly, it's all the same schools. All this will mean is that if all the black kids choose to go to one school, all the white kids another, all the Asians another, and so on, that they can't deny the kids their first choices because the adults want to mix everyone up. In his opinion chief Justice Roberts pointed out, rightly so, that there was much more to “diversity” than mixing up different races. So I guess the lessen here is that if you choose to separate yourself, you become unequal in comparison to the place you didn't want to go to and specifically chose not to go to.

I need the government to tell me who I can love

We all know how the parties feel, but the fact remains that although they are often, let's say, “strategically scheduled” referendum after referendum for gay marriage/civil unions has failed. Not just in the bible belt. Not just in the red states. (Though it did get past the district Sarah and I live in!) Sadly, the people have spoken.

The EPA is an outmoded idea

I highly doubt any Republican believes that companies should have consequence free reign over the environment, and that “If you don't like it, buy your water in bottles.” The website even takes another shot at pharmaceutical companies pointing out (what we were talking about some time ago) regarding the traces of drugs in drinking water. I guess these people think those chemicals are coming from the huge pill dumping grounds Big Pharma is always building next to our ground water sources. Why does our government fail to protect us? Because you're scared of windmills.


So long as the label says it's food

One of the very few things more tested and regulated than “Big Pharma” is our food. It's tested, countless times. Genetically engineered crops are tested even more. They are all altered in some way shape or form. Most of the time it just means they were selectively bred. This is just more anti-corporate fear mongering. Nothing is pure anything, everything has a safe tolerance of chemicals or impurities.

Getting screwed by the utility company
We need more minorities in prison
Hybrid cars really suck
Texas needs more billionaires
The world should be run by one big corporation

These all have flimsy political affiliation, at best, and are completely non sequitur. I'm getting tired. Sue me.

We should start as many wars as we need

As opposed to never going to war for anything? Most of the rant they go on here, once again, has nothing to do with democrats or republicans.
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Jeremy edited this 5 times, last at 06/12/2008 1:23:52 am
vignette.bmpCarlos44ec - 2078 Posts
06/12/2008 @ 09:16:29 AM
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"but honey, I already told you" "I need the GOVERNMENT to tell me"

Distasteful humor, I love it!
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jon.jpgJon - 2906 Posts
06/13/2008 @ 01:58:39 AM
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si se puede!
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face.bmpCarlos44ec - 2078 Posts
06/13/2008 @ 08:24:08 AM
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Way to kill comedy Jeremy. Thanks, I think I'll go hang myself now.
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avatar2345.jpgPackOne - Don't mess with Jeremy. He owns your tag lines.
06/13/2008 @ 11:31:09 PM
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Democrat ... for life.
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jeremy.jpgJeremy - Always thinking of, but never about, the children.
06/17/2008 @ 11:48:25 AM
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Well argued, MoveOn.org, well argued. I'm almost starting to believe the republicans' new plan was to infiltrate the left wing and make us look stupid, only the ultra-liberal people in control of these organizations are so stupid they didn't even notice, and actively promote it.

1) We're electing someone for the next 4 years, not 100.
2) Even if we were, McCain only has 20 or so left.
3) The kid will be old enough to decide for himself what he wants to do and, assuming there isn't a draft, we have a volunteer army.

"Sure they keep voting for the war, but how many of those douche bag republicans forced their 40 year old kids into the military, just like our parents have the power to do?! Why hasn't Bush sent his twin girls over!? You can't have my precious precious baby John McCain!!! He's my whole world!!!"

"Annnnnd cut! Great take, that was beautiful Marie. Ok, someone get the baby from her and let's start filming the commercial scaring people into thinking McCain will take away womens' right to choose. Action!!"
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